Tag Archives: Attuma

The Avengers #26, Mar. 1966

aven026The Avengers #26, Mar. 1966

Incredible script by: Stan Lee
Inconceivable art by: Don Heck
Indescribable inking by: Frank Ray
Indelible lettering by: Artie Simek

one-star

Wow, way to follow up a fight with Dr. Doom, you bring back Attuma, idiot of the deep, and the Wasp to boot. I think this is the story that eventually leads to Wasp and Giant Man rejoining the Avengers, and that fuckin’ sucks. I hate them so much, and they’re part of the reason I hate Attuma so much. The dude was once beaten by Giant Man just because all he did was change size in front of the underwater overlord and it freaked him out. Attuma is the worst.

The Wasp is on her way to warn the Avengers about the run-in she and Hank had with Namor in Tales to Astonish #77, but during one of her rests on the ocean she’s captured by a big dumb machine operated by the big dumb Attuma. He thinks she must be a spy, there to sabotage his machine that is slowly raising the tides of all the oceans in the world. She escapes and warns the Avengers, and they all head down there to help her, except for Hawkeye, who’s too busy showing off his Avengers ring to a bunch of girls in a bar. Oh Hawkeye, you scamp.

The Avengers are quickly beaten by Attuma because the atmosphere in his underwater ship is hard for them to breathe. Apparently Attuma’s men think it wasn’t fair, so he releases them, gives them air helmets, then fights them again. Basically the same thing happens again, except this time they let water into the room and obviously the Atlantean has no problem fighting while underwater.

So, at one point Attuma says that the Wasp is there to sabotage his water-making machine, then later when Quicksilver tries to find it to blow it up, he claims that it’s nowhere near where they are now. SO WHY DID YOU THINK SHE WAS THERE TO SABOTAGE YOU, YOU FUCK?! Also, why do Attuma’s men complain about him beating them in humid, hard-to-breathe air, but not about them being clearly much more hindered while fighting underwater? This whole thing is a bunch of crap if you ask me.

aven026p

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The Fantastic Four Annual #3, 1965

The Fantastic Four Annual #3, 1965

Written by Stan Lee
Drawn by Jack Kirby
Inked by Vince Colletta
Lettered by Artie Simek
Catered by The Bullpen Gang!

The original story in this issue features a whopping 19 superheroes and 20 supervillains, not to mention Uatu the watcher, Patsy Walker (from the girl magazines they did, and a decade before she’d join normal Marvel continuity as Hellcat), Stan Lee and Jack Kirby themselves. I’m not going to mention all of them in my little one paragraph review, but I actually kept track in the tag section if you’re interested, and I’m so sure that you are.

It’s the wedding of Reed Richards and Susan Storm, the most beautiful event in any comic book person’s life. Unfortunately, they are comic book people, and that means they associate with a lot of super-powered folks. Also, Richards was mean to Dr. Doom back in college, so he’s decided to invent a machine to make every villain in the area try to kill him. After a ridiculously massive brawl, the Watcher shows up and (without interfering at all) gives Mr. Fantastic a machine that’ll send all the villains back to where they were with no memory of what happened at all. Okay, whatever. The happy wedding goes on happily and everyone is happy forever. Except Lee and Kirby, who are turned away at the door because everyone thinks they’re bums.

The reprint stories are that one awesome issue where Dr. Doom and Namor team up to throw the Baxter Building into the Sun and the two half stories from issue #11 where the Fantastic Four answers fan mail and deal with the Impossible Man. There’s usually another one in these annuals, but the huge brawl took up a lot of space, as I’m sure you can imagine.

Yeah, that’s a dumb ending to this excuse to fit every character possible into one comic book, but who cares? It’s all in good fun, and Giant Man didn’t show up at all, so I couldn’t be happier with it! Plus, his worst enemy, the Human Top, is taken out by a single punch from Quicksilver, who doesn’t even have super strength or anything. LOVE IT.


Tales of Suspense #66, June 1965

Tales of Suspense #66, June 1965

Written in the Marvel tradition of greatness by Stan Lee
Illustrated in the Marvel tradition of grandeur by Don Heck
Inked in the Marvel tradition of drama by Mickey Demeo
Lettered in the coziest corner of the room by Sam Rosen

Here and now, in the full maturity of their titanic talents: Stan Lee and Jack Kirby re-create the glory and the grandeur of Captain America!
Inked by: Chic Stone
Lettered by: Artie Simek

Great, Attuma again. That idiot couldn’t take over a seashell if the hermit crab living there was already dead. In his last appearance, he ran away from Giant Man because he kept changing his size at the Atlantean forces. How can you possibly have any respect for a villain that’s AFRAID of ANT MAN?!

Iron Man is testing out a new prototype submarine developed by Tony Stark for underwater recon when he stumbles across Attuma, the Atlantean warlord, and the GIANT-FUCK GUN he built underwater. Apparently he built a bullet out of a rare underwater metal called “nautilium” (yeah fucking right) which will turn the air above the water to be too humid for humans to breathe, then he can easily take over. There’s only enough nautilium for one shot, so when ol’ shellhead drives his sub into the gun to kerplode it, Attuma’s plans are yet again quickly and embarrassingly foiled.

As we join Captain America, he’s been captured by the Red Skull, Hitler’s right hand monster, who wants to tell Cap all about his origin story. You see, he used to be a petty criminal who sucked at everything, but Hitler noticed that he hated humanity too and trained him to be a super-Nazi. Cap isn’t impressed when the Skull tells him that even Hitler himself fears his might now, but it’s not important because the whole thing was a diversion for a drug that they injected Cap with to take effect. When he comes to, he is the complete slave of the Red Skull! UH-OH!!

Cap is one of those rare characters who can give a super-patriotic and corny speech, but you still actually kinda believe that he believes in it. There’s nothing fake about Cap’s convictions, and that’s what really makes him a hero. That and his preternatural control of his shield. That is pretty impressive.


Tales to Astonish #64, Feb. 1965

Tales to Astonish #64, Feb. 1965

Edited by Smilin’ Stan Lee
Written by Laughin’ Leon Lazarus
Pencilled by Capricious Carl Burgos
Inked by Peerless Paul Reinman
Lettered by Sparkling Sam Rosen

Written with the sparkling skill of Stan Lee!
Drawn with the peerless power of Steve Ditko!
Inked with the classic clarity of George Bell!
Lettered with the TV set on by: Artie Simek

Tales to Astonish is really never that great of a magazine. It starts out with Ant Man, then changes to Giant Man, then adds the Hulk, the Giant Man finally leaves and is replaced with the Sub-Mariner. To be perfectly honest, none of those characters are ever very good. Obviously, I hate Ant Man, and Sub-Mariner’s okay, if a little repetitive. The Hulk’s okay, but I dunno, I haven’t been able to get into him in these 60’s comics. Not exactly sure why.

Giant Man gets angry at the Wasp because she drops some things, so she decides to leave him forever and go on a trip to Europe or something. She just so happens to have the bad luck of running into Attuma, the warlord who keeps trying to rule Atlantis, and who recently just found out about life on the surface (I guess he doesn’t get out much or something. Isn’t Namor ALWAYS talking about ruling the surface people? You’d think it’d be common knowledge down there in Atlantis) and has decided that kidnapping a plane is the first step towards ruling the world. Attuma is an idiot. Jan manages to send a message off to a flying ant, which reaches Giant Man, and he comes by to save everybody by scaring the Atlantian warriors by shrinking and growing repeatedly. That’s it. Fucking Attuma.

Bruce Banner’s in trouble. He’s been arrested for sabotaging his own machine, and he doesn’t have an alibi that doesn’t involve him being the Hulk. Lucky for him, his teen friend Rick Jones shows up and promises to talk to the president on his behalf. So… Rick Jones tells the president, who in 1965 was Lyndon B. Johnson, that Bruce Banner is the Hulk, and he pardons Banner for his supposed crime. Meanwhile, the Leader sends his Adaptoids out to capture the Hulk so he can study and possibly team up with the green goliath.

So, Lyndon B. Johnson knew that Bruce Banner was the Hulk, huh? That’s an interesting bit of trivia. So now, if you ever want to be a smug dick in front of your nerd friends, just ask them the first three people who knew the Hulk’s real identity. You may even snag them up and make them forget that Bruce Banner is number one. Any good nerd will tell you Rick Jones, and then probably say Betty Ross, but they’ll be WRONG! OH GOD HOW WRONG THEY WILL BE!!! You just been Lyndon B. Johnson’d, BITCHES!!


The Fantastic Four #33, Dec. 1964

The Fantastic Four #33, Dec. 1964

Script: Smilin’ S. Lee
Art: Jolly Jack Kirby
Inks: Chucklin’ Chic Stone
Lettering: Amiable Art Simek

This cover utilizes the inventive style that Jack Kirby apparently came up with to combine photographs and illustrations. I’m not exactly sure how he does it, but I assume it involves a lot of heavy photocopying, as the pictures don’t tend to come out very well. But hey, maybe I’m just spoiled by living in the 21st century, according to the letters pages in these comics, they were crazy impressive to the kids from the 60’s.

The Fantastic Four are approached by the blue-skinned Atlantean Lady Dorma, whom you may remember as being the underwater girl who’s in love with Namor, the Sub-Mariner. She brings bad tidings to the superhero group, telling them that Namor’s kingdom is being invaded by a barbarian horde led by a warlord named Attuma, and only they can save him. While their relationship with Namor has been rocky in the past, at best, they decide to help him, if only to keep the much more violent Attuma from taking over Atlantis.

They get down to the bottom of the ocean and see the massive war going on. Namor’s able to hold his own, of course, but his army (or is it navy?) are outmatched by Attuma’s hordes. Namor breaks through the front lines and challenges Attuma to a one-on-one fight, to which the evil warlord agrees. Of course, Attuma has a bunch of traps set to best Namor, and this is where the FF step in. Without alerting Namor to their presence, the Four task themselves to destroying the traps, knowing that the Sub-Mariner would probably have no problem winning a fair fight, thus winning the battle for himself. They run out of air just as they finish off the last of the traps and float up to the surface, happy in the knowledge that they helped one of their oldest enemies. Huh…

Sub-Mariner is squarely in that anti-hero spot, along with the Hulk, and because of that it’s not a stretch to believe that the Fantastic Four would help him out like this. The addition of that “better the enemy you know than the one you don’t” angle helps a bit, too, and it’s overall a pretty decent issue. In other news, this is my 200th review here! Just over 800 more comics to go! Unfortunately, I have a real job now, so I’ll probably end up doing these a little less, and I doubt I’ll still be able to hit my goal of finishing by the end of the year, but I’m not stopping, that’s for sure!