Tag Archives: Captain America

The Avengers #26, Mar. 1966

aven026The Avengers #26, Mar. 1966

Incredible script by: Stan Lee
Inconceivable art by: Don Heck
Indescribable inking by: Frank Ray
Indelible lettering by: Artie Simek

one-star

Wow, way to follow up a fight with Dr. Doom, you bring back Attuma, idiot of the deep, and the Wasp to boot. I think this is the story that eventually leads to Wasp and Giant Man rejoining the Avengers, and that fuckin’ sucks. I hate them so much, and they’re part of the reason I hate Attuma so much. The dude was once beaten by Giant Man just because all he did was change size in front of the underwater overlord and it freaked him out. Attuma is the worst.

The Wasp is on her way to warn the Avengers about the run-in she and Hank had with Namor inĀ Tales to Astonish #77, but during one of her rests on the ocean she’s captured by a big dumb machine operated by the big dumb Attuma. He thinks she must be a spy, there to sabotage his machine that is slowly raising the tides of all the oceans in the world. She escapes and warns the Avengers, and they all head down there to help her, except for Hawkeye, who’s too busy showing off his Avengers ring to a bunch of girls in a bar. Oh Hawkeye, you scamp.

The Avengers are quickly beaten by Attuma because the atmosphere in his underwater ship is hard for them to breathe. Apparently Attuma’s men think it wasn’t fair, so he releases them, gives them air helmets, then fights them again. Basically the same thing happens again, except this time they let water into the room and obviously the Atlantean has no problem fighting while underwater.

So, at one point Attuma says that the Wasp is there to sabotage his water-making machine, then later when Quicksilver tries to find it to blow it up, he claims that it’s nowhere near where they are now. SO WHY DID YOU THINK SHE WAS THERE TO SABOTAGE YOU, YOU FUCK?! Also, why do Attuma’s men complain about him beating them in humid, hard-to-breathe air, but not about them being clearly much more hindered while fighting underwater? This whole thing is a bunch of crap if you ask me.

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Tales of Suspense #75, Mar. 1966

tos075Tales of Suspense #75, Mar. 1966

Titanically written by: Stan Lee
Tremendously drawn by: Adam Austin
Tumultuously inked by: Gary Michaels
Timorously lettered by: Sam Rosen

Stan Lee, script
Jack Kirby, layout
Dick Ayers, pencil
J. Tartaglione, inks
Artie Simek, lettering
Irving Forbush, cheer leader

two-stars

Last time, on Tales of Suspense! Tony Stark’s chauffeur/bodyguard Happy Hogan saved Iron Man from being killed by Titanium Man, and was almost killed himself in the process. To cure him, some quack of a doctor used some random ray he had no idea what function it had and accidentally brought Happy back as a giant bald monster with no brain! Comic books.

Now, Iron Man has to stop the monster Happy’s become without accidentally killing him, and, as always, the charge in his armor is almost down to nothing. His armor has worse battery life than an iPhone!! Thank you, thank you. It turns out that the new monster Hogan is stronger than ol’ shellhead, so he leads him back to his lab so he can shoot him with another ray to turn him back to normal. This ray might kill Stark in the meanwhile, but gosh darnit, he owes Happy his life!

Captain America, on the other hand, just got home from defeating the ridiculous Sleeper robots the Red Skull set up, and finds himself in a scuttle on the street between a lady agent of SHIELD and Batroc the Leaper, French mercenary skilled in the art of “la savatte”. Cap beats the shit out of him, but in the scuffle a package of highly dangerous “Inferno 42” starts to leak, which will destroy the city in 30 minutes unless Cap and the Frenchman team up to find the agent!

Savate, the actual name of the French martial arts style Batroc is supposed to be a master of, is something like kickboxing, only… Frenchier. Look, I didn’t actually read the Wikipedia article about it, except for the part where it mentions BatrocĀ twice. Clearly, Batroc the Leaper is the most famous savateur ever, and he’s this awful stereotype in a ridiculous purple spandex outfit who says “honh honh honh” as he kicks people in the face. France should be so proud.

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The Avengers #25, Feb. 1966

The Avengers #25, Feb. 1966

Stan Lee, writer!
Don Heck, penciller!
Dick Ayers, inker!
Sam Rosen, letterer!

Haven’t seen good ol’ Dr. Doom in a while, and hey, this is his first time fighting the Avengers! As always, Doom is a little disappointing when he’s not against the Fantastic Four, but that’s mostly because he’s always the absolute best when he’s against his arch-foe RICHAAAARDS! He never cares about anyone else enough to truly be villainous about it.

Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver get a letter from Latveria telling them that they have a long-lost aunt living there and that they aren’t really orphans after all! The Avengers pack up and head to the small European country, and it isn’t until after they’re arrested there that they realize the country is run by Dr. Doom and this whole thing was an obvious setup.

The team confronts Doom and manages to make him retreat, having underestimated them. They hide out in a cave for a couple minutes, but can’t get out of the country because Doom has encased it in a giant dome. Having nothing else to do, they go back and fight Doom again, this time using the control to open the dome and leaving the villain sneezing with one of Hawkeye’s goofy arrows.

Yep, they beat Dr. Doom, and it wasn’t really all that hard. Mostly because Doom underestimated them and just wanted to destroy them as a way to get a message to the Fantastic Four that he… I dunno, kills superheroes or something. I don’t think he really thought any of this plan through. I do like the big dome he can erect around the country, though, that’s a pretty Dr. Doomish thing to have.


Tales of Suspense #74, Feb. 1966

Tales of Suspense #74, Feb. 1966

Story: As only the fabulous Stan Lee can tell it!
Art: As only the fantastic Adam Austin can draw it!
Inking: As only the flamboyant Gary Michaels can delineate it!
Lettering: As only the frantic Artie Simek can scribble it!

Blazing story: Stan Lee
Burning layouts: Jack Kirby
Blistering artwork: George Tuska
Burnt-out lettering: Artie Simek

We’re getting kinda close to the point where I stopped reading the first time I started this project (well, about a year in publication time, which is about 120 issues total), and this issue starts my absolute least favorite Iron Man story I’ve ever read. It’s not only completely ridiculous, but it’s also just terrible. Why? Because… well, let me describe it to you…

Iron Man sends out a plea to his office for someone to come and plug him into a wall because he’s too weak to do it himself. Pepper Potts receives the message, drives out to the castle where he’s lying on the floor, dying, and helps him back to the lab. He barely has enough time to recharge himself when he hears that they’re going to use an untested device made by Tony Stark called an Enervator on Happy Hogan in an effort to keep him alive… unfortunately, the device has a side effect of turning him into a Frankenstein-type monster with strength equal to that of Iron Man. Good machine you built there, Stark.

Captain America is in trouble. There’s only one more Sleeper left to rise and combine with the other two before whatever plan the Red Skull had can come to fruition. Cap thinks that the third piece is going to be a huge bomb, and the combined Sleepers are going to go to the north pole, dig down into the center of the world, then blow the whole thing up. Luckily, Cap has one thing the Red Skull didn’t count on: A blowtorch! He parachutes down on top of the Sleepers, sets up the torch to burn through the big dumb head that is the third Sleeper, then parachutes away, watching it blow up harmlessly in the atmosphere.

I can’t adequately describe how hilarious I find it that the third sleeper is a giant statue of the Red Skull’s head. Putting that on top of the already ridiculous two Sleepers makes it even more ridiculous, and the whole thing looks like a goddamn joke. It’s one of those fun kinds of stupid, though, and it helps to remind us that comic books are goofy action stories for kids. They are, you know.


The Avengers #24, Jan. 1966

The Avengers #24, Jan. 1966

Stan Lee, writer
Don Heck, penciller
Dick Ayers, inker
Artie Simek, letterer

The second part of this story where the Avengers go to the future and hang out with Kang the Conqueror is… pretty strange. Especially since most of it is this weird deal with Kang wanting to marry this princess, and it’s all very classical fantasy… with one of the guys in a big dumb purple space mask.

The Avengers are teamed up with Princess Ravonna and her few loyal soldiers against Kang and his invincible conquering armies. Unfortunately, Kang has more power at his disposal, and he manages to win. He imprisons the heroes and forces Ravonna to marry him… BUT! Kang’s own rules require that all existing royalty be killed when he takes over a new kingdom, and his men don’t like that he’s not following that rule. They rebel against the supervillain and… well, fail. Pretty miserably.

Kang appears to have turned over a new leaf, and asks the Avengers to help him save the life of Ravonna, and in exchange, he’ll send them back to their time. They succeed and defeat Kang’s usurping army and the Avengers get sent back to the 60’s… just in time to miss one last assassin try to shoot Kang and accidentally kill Ravonna. Guess Kang isn’t going to be reformed anytime soon…

The Avengers themselves do almost nothing in this issue, and instead we get this weird medieval drama between the villain (who kinda becomes a hero) and this nondescript princess with no character who dies so it doesn’t really end up mattering. Ah well, they can’t all be winners. They aren’t the All-Winners Squad, after all.