Daredevil #6, Feb. 1965

Daredevil #6, Feb. 1965

Written with the fabulously flawless  fantasy of… Stan Lee
Illustrated in the magnificently modern manner of… Wally Wood
Lettered in the screamingly sophisticated style of… Sam Rosen

This may be a bad issue, but the villains are actually pretty well-matched for Daredevil. Ox, an idiot from the Enforcers (who suck), the Eel, a guy with a slippery costume (who sucks), and a new guy with a gun that shoots fear gas (who is, sadly, the least sucky of the bunch). What I’m trying to say is that Daredevil sucks. Not in so many words, of course.

A wax figure sculptor accidentally discovers a gas that fills people with fear while trying to find a way to bring his models to life, so he becomes a masked villain named Mr. Fear. You’d do the exact same thing if you were him, don’t lie. He recruits two other villains who he knows won’t be too hard to control, Ox and the Eel, and together they stage a bank robbery by hiring some filmmakers to film them, so it seems like it’s all pretendies.

Daredevil happens across them and nearly stops them, but he gets hit by one of Mr. Fear’s fear gas bullets and runs away like a little scared baby. They encounter each other a couple more times, each time ending in the same way. FINALLY Daredevil overhears Ox talking about the fear gas and puts two and two together. His master plan to combat the fear gas? Stand next to a fan, and blow it back at the bad guys. Well… it works, I guess.

I can’t believe it seriously takes four times before Daredevil realizes that the gas is what’s making him suddenly afraid. He even specifically says, “It was right after Mr. Fear fired that pellet at me! All of a sudden, I became almost petrified! All I could think of was trying to escape! What’s happened to me? Have I turned… coward?” Of course not, you stupid idiot. Anybody in the world would figure out exactly what was going on in that situation.

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Amazing Spider-Man #19, Dec. 1964

Amazing Spider-Man #19, Dec. 1964

Written by: Spidey’s godfather, Stan Lee
Illustrated by: Spidey’s big daddy, Steve Ditko
Lettered by: S. Rosen (Spidey’s second cousin on his uncle’s side!)

Man, I really hate the Enforcers. They’re all such terrible villains in pretty much every possible way. They’re boring, one-dimensional, and not only have dumb powers, but are incredibly weak with their dumb powers. And they keep fighting Spider-Man! Really, the Enforcers are more of a Daredevil or Ant Man-grade villain team. One of them has a lasso! A LASSO, for God’s sake!

So last ish, Spider-Man didn’t do any fighting because he was too worried about his Aunt May’s horrible illness to do any real crimefightery, but that’s all over! Aunt May’s feeling as good as a five hundred year old woman (at least half her real age!), and Spidey’s anxious to clear his name of being a pushover pansy-ass who runs away from fights. Unfortunately for him, the only action going on in town is Sandman and the Enforcers going on a crime spree, which is honestly a pretty lame comeback.

Still, even lame crime needs to be fought, so he and the Human Torch (who managed to get caught by the Enforcers thanks to an asbestos lasso. A LASSO!!!) take on a bunch of common thugs and the Sandman, who is surprisingly easy to overcome, even compared to how surprisingly easy he always seems to be beaten. Seriously, I’m not the only one who thinks his powers should make him basically invincible and unbeatable, right?

Yeah, this is a decent enough follow-up to last issue’s really interesting dramatic storytelling, but it would’ve been a hell of a lot more effective if Spidey had gone back up against the Green Goblin, whom he ran away from. I mean, as it stands, it doesn’t really clear his name as a coward so much as it makes it seem like he’s only not afraid of pathetic criminals like the Enforcers. At the end of the comic there’s a little blurb about a guy in a smoking jacket having Peter Parker followed because he suspects something, and I assume this is Norman Osborn, but still. Just… the Enforcers suck.

 

Amazing Spider-Man #14, July 1964

Amazing Spider-Man #14, July 1964

Written by: Stan Lee (the poor man’s Shakespeare)
Illustrated by: Steve Ditko (the poor man’s Da Vinci)
Lettered by: Art Simek (the poor man’s rich man)

Cool, the first appearance of the Green Goblin, arguably Spider-Man’s greatest enemy. For some reason, there’s a blurb on the cover that says, “Does the Green Goblin look cute to you? Does he make you want to smile?” What? Of course not. The dude is in a green Halloween outfit on a rocket broom, that ain’t cute.

Taking a page out of the Sub-Mariner’s book, the Green Goblin appears on the scene and has a bold new plan to destroy Spider-Man: He’s going to tell a Hollywood producer to make a movie starring Spidey, the Goblin, and the Enforcers (Fancy Dan, Montana, and the Ox, who previously showed up under the control of Big Man). Spider-Man agrees, and they all go out to some desert in southern California, where they immediately start fighting. There’s basically one half-punch that utilizes the element of surprise, and the rest is a normal fight. I guess the biggest part of Gobby’s plan was to inconvenience Spider-Man by making him go out to California.

The bad guys manage to wrangle ol’ webhead into a cave and seal it shut with a giant boulder. Unfortunately, his spider-sense gives him a distinct advantage in the darkness, and he easily dispatches the Enforcers. He’s just about to give it to the Goblin (that sounds so dirty) when all of a sudden the Hulk appears! I guess he was hibernating in the cave or something, but it’s bad news for our friendly neighborhood Spider-Man, who nearly gets his head caved in by the Hulk’s mindless rampage. Spidey tricks the Hulk into breaking the boulder clogging the entrance and escapes. Unfortunately, no movie was made, so he doesn’t get paid, and he has to take a bus back to New York.

The Green Goblin is really curious in this early appearance. Instead of his little glider thing, he has some sort of rocket-powered mechanical broom which he flies around on. He’s still got his stun bombs, but he also appears to have some sort of ability to… shoot sparks out of his finger. Huh. I wonder why that “power” doesn’t get used more often. Really the important thing about the Green Goblin is that he’s the first villain in the Silver Age for Marvel where they actually made a big deal about not knowing who he really is under that mask, which leads to some cool stuff later on.

Amazing Spider-Man #10, Mar. 1964

Amazing Spider-Man #10, Mar. 1964

Written by: Smiling Stan Lee
Illustrated by: Swinging Steve Ditko
Lettered by: Sparkling Sam Rosen

In this issue, we’re introduced to Big Man and his Enforcers, Fancy Dan, a judo expert, Ox, a strong guy, and Montana, a lasso expert. Big Man, he doesn’t do anything, he just wears a Phantom of the Opera-style mask. Yes, by simply showing up, the Enforcers have made Amazing Spider-Man #10 the lamest Spider-Man appearance so far.

The Enforcers are in town, and they easily take over and organize the entire criminal underworld. This is the thing that pretty much every Ant Man villain was trying to do, except the Enforcers realized that leading everyone by beating a superhero is a dumb way to get to the top. To be the best criminal, you actually have to do lots of crimes. So, of course, Spider-Man is out to catch the Enforcers, and specifically the masked figure leading them all, the Big Man himself, after he finds them threatening Betty Brant.

Through his investigation, Spidey learns where the Enforcers hideout is, and he spends some time beating the shit out of a hundred gangsters. For some reason, not one of them has a gun on them, so Fancy Dan, Ox and Montana have the best chance at beating him. This chance is still zero, and Spidey keeps them all busy until the cops come, except for Big Man who snuck out. He follows the car to J. Jonah Jameson’s office! No, could Big Man and Jameson be one and the same?! Nope, actually Big Man was Frederick Foswell, another reporter introduced this issue. Of course.

The way Spider-Man gets his original information about the Enforcers’ base is by picking up some random crook on the street and threatening him. The guy’s more afraid of the Enforcers than Spidey, so he blindfolds him and constructs and elaborate giant spider puppet out of wood and webbing. I never knew that Peter Parker was such an artist as well as a scientist. Also, what the fuck, Spider-Man? You run out of webbing in the middle of battles ALL THE TIME, and yet you have plenty on you to build a giant fake spider and still go tackle the Enforcers without a refill? I’m starting to think you have NO EXCUSE to be running out of webbing.