Tag Archives: Unicorn

The Fantastic Four Annual #3, 1965

The Fantastic Four Annual #3, 1965

Written by Stan Lee
Drawn by Jack Kirby
Inked by Vince Colletta
Lettered by Artie Simek
Catered by The Bullpen Gang!

The original story in this issue features a whopping 19 superheroes and 20 supervillains, not to mention Uatu the watcher, Patsy Walker (from the girl magazines they did, and a decade before she’d join normal Marvel continuity as Hellcat), Stan Lee and Jack Kirby themselves. I’m not going to mention all of them in my little one paragraph review, but I actually kept track in the tag section if you’re interested, and I’m so sure that you are.

It’s the wedding of Reed Richards and Susan Storm, the most beautiful event in any comic book person’s life. Unfortunately, they are comic book people, and that means they associate with a lot of super-powered folks. Also, Richards was mean to Dr. Doom back in college, so he’s decided to invent a machine to make every villain in the area try to kill him. After a ridiculously massive brawl, the Watcher shows up and (without interfering at all) gives Mr. Fantastic a machine that’ll send all the villains back to where they were with no memory of what happened at all. Okay, whatever. The happy wedding goes on happily and everyone is happy forever. Except Lee and Kirby, who are turned away at the door because everyone thinks they’re bums.

The reprint stories are that one awesome issue where Dr. Doom and Namor team up to throw the Baxter Building into the Sun and the two half stories from issue #11 where the Fantastic Four answers fan mail and deal with the Impossible Man. There’s usually another one in these annuals, but the huge brawl took up a lot of space, as I’m sure you can imagine.

Yeah, that’s a dumb ending to this excuse to fit every character possible into one comic book, but who cares? It’s all in good fun, and Giant Man didn’t show up at all, so I couldn’t be happier with it! Plus, his worst enemy, the Human Top, is taken out by a single punch from Quicksilver, who doesn’t even have super strength or anything. LOVE IT.

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Tales of Suspense #56, Aug. 1964

Tales of Suspense #56, Aug. 1964

Written with consummate skill by: Stan Lee!
Illustrated with blazing drama by: Don Heck!
Lettered with bloodshot eyes by: S. Rosen!

It makes perfect sense that Iron Man would constantly come up against foes who also have armor or some sort of technological advantage, but the Unicorn? You are fucking kidding me? The dude can shoot vague energy beams out of his head, that’s fucking retarded.

Iron Man starts out the issue in a rage, angry at the fact that he has to be Iron Man, that he has to wear an iron chestplate to survive. Yeah, how terrible it must be for you, Tony, to be a superhero. My heart’s bleeding for ya. He decides to go on an ANGRY DATE with some random Hollywood starlet (I feel so bad for you!) and while he does, his factory is attacked by an idiot named the Unicorn. He has a dumb hat that shoots dumb stupid shit out of it, and he’s apparently strong enough to beat up Happy Hogan (oh, like that’s an achievement) and capture Pepper Potts.

Tony returns to find his friends gone and vows never to date a hot chick again, then goes after the Unicorn. After a surprisingly short fight, they both escape a crashing airplane and Tony’s friends end up being okay. Wow, it really was terrible of you to go out on that one date in a fit of anger, wasn’t it? How bad you must feel.

So the Unicorn is dumb, but his suit of super communist power armor was developed by the Crimson Dynamo, who is the single greatest Iron Man villain ever. I don’t even give a shit that the dude is dead and some other jerk took his spiky red armor, the Crimson Dynamo is the best, and I will FIGHT THE FUCK OUT OF YOU if you disagree! HOW DARE YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT DISAGREEING WITH ME ON THIS!!!